Life Is Not Always What It Seems... and It's Not Because You're Blind - It's Your Mind!

You see that hat...? That was the hat my parents bought me to wear the day I was discharged from the Hospital in June of 2003, three weeks after my airway was crushed in a traumatic car accident... never did I imagine that I'd be wearing it, smiling in a picture just taken after crossing the finish line of an Olympic Distance Triathlon...

In completing my second Triathlon, first Olympic Distance Triathlon, my perspective on life has completely changed. Usually, due to my life circumstance, I would say that it takes something traumatic to change your perspective on life, but participating in The Triathlon at Treasure Island has shown me that something doesn't need to be traumatic to change you - you change you through your thoughts and actions, that it's not what happens to you, but how you REACT to what happens to you.

Two years ago as I watched my Husband Brett train and participate in his Triathlons, I always thought to myself that I could NEVER do a Triathlon because I could never manage to breath during the swim or bike, that I could only breath while I run, as that was hard enough with given the capacity of my airway(35% of normal). I told myself a million and one excuses not only as to why I couldn't participate in a Triathlon but also as to why I can't run. Besides my excuses, I was just deathly afraid, literally DEATHLY, of pushing my body that hard... maybe my airway would collapse, or I would just get too tired... the excuses my little brain made were endless. I was reacting to my fears and letting them drive the decisions I was making.

Come to find out that through my experiences that it's not the swimming and biking that makes my breathing difficult, it's just running!!! Ironically enough, the one sport I thought I could manage (running) caused me the most difficulty!

Participating in an Olympic Distance Triathlon is undeniably liberating and I am now challenging myself not to hold back and to not be afraid of running out of energy or getting too tired, or not being able to breathe. I am going to take my training to the next level - and I'm excited! I am going to make training a priority(not just a workout, I am actually going to put myself on a training schedule, possibly get a coach) and see how far I can push myself. I finished the .93 Mile Swim, 24.8 Mile Bike and 6.2 mile run in 3:27:18. I came in 17th in my age group (out of 26). I'd like to challenge myself to come in around 2:45:00 in my next Triathlon (Pacific Grove, September 11) and come in in the top 35%, 1% for each amoung of airway I have.

I challenge you to get outside of your mind (and outside your comfort zone)... to challenge yourself in something you thought was physically impossible, something you told yourself you couldn't achieve... because if I can do it with 35% of my airway, you can do it with 100% of yours!

THANK YOU!!!

I would like to thank Kate Garsson from TriCal in taking interest in my story of why I am doing the Treasure Island Triathlon and for graciously providing me with a Polor Womens Fitness watch (my first "sponsorship"). Kate has also informed me that my story is going to be told at SFGATE.COM and on their website www.tricalifornia.com. I would also like to thank Dorette Franks for also taking interest in my story and telling it so graciously. Dorette is a 4 time Ironman (Ironwoman) and is training for an Ultraman coming up in the next 4 weeks, she is an inspiration as well. If you don't know what an Ultraman is, it's worth googling... You can read her article regarding my car accident/training at http://www.moremarin.com/more_sweat/2010/07/splash-and-dash-biggest-loser-contestants-others-get-a-second-chance.html

My story being told at the public level is very exciting to me! Essentially, once my accident happened, I had to make two choices, to either sulk in my self pity and self-doubt or to turn my life around and maximize my full potential along this new path. Life is FULL of decisions, and this was just one of them, regardless of how tragic or traumatic my accident may have been. The journey has been long, and still continues, but each day gets better and challenging myself through Triathlons has helped maximize the capacity of my "comprimized" airway.

This Saturday I will be celebrating life at the Treasure Island Triathlon. The thought of the swim alone causes me enough anxiety but so did facing the adversity of my car accident, and if I can over come that, I can swim .9 miles in the freezing cold bay. Sometimes I get sad knowing that I could be faster, but my goal is to focus on the present (no "what if's"), realize I might not be doing Tri's if it weren't for my accident and just to have fun and concentrate on my breathing. I am going to be the best I can be, not the BEST triathlete out there (because we all know I am a far cry from that ;) )

I think when we focus on being THE BEST indstead of focusing on being OUR BEST we lose sight of the purpose of being. The purpose of being is not to out swim the swimmer next to you or out run or bike someone else and it's certainly not to out perform you classmate on the most recent exam. The purpose of life is to be your very best and try your best at whatever the task at hand may be. When we focus on being our personal best, we are putting our energy in the right place and the rest graciously works itself out. Who cares about how fast someone else swims, bikes or runs... there will always be someone who is faster, smarter and wiser, no matter how hard your train or study. We are taught all of our lives to outperform our peers, co-workers and sometimes even friends or family. Instead of focusing on outperformance, I would be willing to wager if we focus on our own performance and our own personal best, we'd find a lot more peace and happiness within ourselves, which can only lead to better performance and life satisfaction. If you focus on being your best and capitalize on your strengths, you'll come to find there was a little more inside of you than you previously knew exsisted, and then some.

It's happening...

So silly as it may seem, I've sorta always envisioned being able to tell my story at the public forum level and yesterday was the first day it has happened, and I am so excited. TriCal was interested in my car accident story and airways issues and all that I have overcome to get to where I am today and to be able to do a triathlon.

I was interviewed by Dorette Franks of Trifiniti and my story will be in Moremarin.com. Here is her comment of facebook:

Dorette Franks: "Way cool, interviewed Biggest Loser contestant, O'Neal Hampton and a come-back gal, Gina Cummings of San Francisco. Stay tuned to MoreMarin.com on their break through participation at Tri Cal's San Francisco Triathlon at Treasure Island. Truely compelling."

Balls

If you had known the symptoms of my first patient this day, swollen huevos (The English translation for huevos is eggs. However, the Spanish word is also used in slang for courage, and vulgar for testicles) and the events that would unfold in hours to come, together we would have seen the foreshadowing that is my life.

Ahhhhh (deep breath in)... the many things I could call this post. But what will I call it...

"It's not a disability, it's my life?" - Too cynical.

"It's not personal, it's who I am." - Maybe

"Doctor knows best." - False

"I'm sorry you're an insensitive a*hole with no heart and a questionable soul who needs a dictionary to look up the word 'personal.'" - Too long, but getting there.

On my 4th day of clinicals at my community health rotation (second time in this part of the clinic) I come into contact with my first egotistical (there are many other words to describe this man, this was the nicest one I could find) Doctor.

As I was walking by a patients room, a patient with vocal cord issues, the patient stopped me. He must have heard me talking in the hall (oh the irony) as he was being vitalized (a term many MA's use to say a patients vitals are being taken). When I walked past this patients room, he called out to me and asked me if I had laryngitis. I briefly explained in my nicest tone that no, I in fact do not have laryngitis, but a paralyzed vocal cord from an accident years ago. This is the STANDARD response I give to the 10 strangers a day who ask me if I am sick, have laryngitis or lost my voice etc. The patient went on to tell me how he lost his voice... this was a two second conversation and as I was about to leave one of the MA's walked by me and said "Dr. So and So is coming....." as to tell me to leave because this Doctor is a jerk and doesn't like it when people talk with his patients. So I left.

Call it 15 minutes later, standing in the nursing station with 3 other MA's the Doctor approaches me and begins to yell at me for talking to his patient about my "personal information." Truth be told, I was so totally confused about this "personal information" I had divulged about myself, that I had no clue what he was talking about. I asked him to clarify what "personal information" I had shared and to whom. He began to explain that his patient (with no voice) had been upset by what I told him, and that I should not be telling patients my "personal information."

Alright, alright. I could seriously overreact here, so I am not going to. What did I do next, in real life... or in my head? In real life, after I heard the word "personal information" spit in my face for the umteenth time, now I was upset. I told the kind Doctor that I didn't share personal information, explained after the patient engaged me and asked me a perfectly legitimate question "Do you have laryngitis?" I replied, no (as to inform that patient I wasn't contagious) I have a paralyzed vocal cord (see not contagious) I was in a accident (how) a long time ago(when, as to help solidify that it's just how I talk). Is this personal?

After I explained this to the kind Doctor, he proceeded to yell at me. I didn't take it. I explained to him, I am sorry your patient became upset, but now you are upsetting me and you are offending me. This isn't personal, this is who I am. It's a well known fact that my voice is soft, not some intimate detail of the coming of my life. Shortly, he walked away, but not before saying "We'll discuss this later."

The support I received from the staff and my preceptor was amazing. I was so confused... did I do something wrong? Consensus was no. This Doctor is just known for being a jerk (wonderful) and the lesson learned is this won't be the last time I come across a rude doctor (oh goody) and have to stand up for myself (bring it on).

Honestly, that day left me drained, and questioning why I left what now seems like the saint's of PwC. A lot of my friends at school were fearing run in's like this, but not me. I guess the reason I wasn't fearing them, was because I knew that I would have the courage to stand up to a Doctor who would try to tell me what to say to a patient regarding my soft voice, or anything else for that matter. I've been through too much to come this far to have someone I don't even know, Doctor, Partner, Tax Manager tell me how to be me.

After the Doctor left the nursing station I turned around and all the MA's were looking at me and one turned to me and said, "You've got balls." It's not balls, it's self respect. I've been through too much too come this far and have someone yell at me in front of others for something so petty and nonfactual. I feel sorry for this Doctor, that somewhere along the line, his ego is so bruised that he had to target an insignificant nursing student. Really, who does that? Apparently, lots of Doctors. But it's not about having balls, because those, I don't have, I am a proud owner of a pair of ovaries but I guess they are in a round shape? To be honest, I was afraid, but the fear inside me wasn't enough not to stand up for myself. Because of my actions, it was in this moment, I had a voice ... a really loud one.

Every Day is a Miracle

Remember that giant hill I was talking about a few blogs ago... the one Brett and I were moving to the top of? Well, today after a tiring day at the hospital/clinical rotation, I decided the best thing I could do to decompress was a run/swim. So I slapped on the headphones and ipod and ran to the YMCA Presido and swam for 30 minutes and then ran home. They weren't kidding when they said San Francisco is the hilliest of cities. These hills are a symbols of the many emotions I have during one day at the hospital. Some patients are a jog downhill, and other patients really make you question and climb uphill, questioning your my own values, beliefs and insecurities.

I had an uneventful day in my Maternity rotation today (wasn't able to be apart of labor or be assigned to a patient) which is never what one wants, but being in this environment makes you think. It makes you think about why you are who you are, how you got here, where you've been and where you'd like to go, or where you are going. It also makes you realized aside from tangent thoughts one thing is a fact. Birth is a true miracle! When you start with a miracle, every single day after that miracle is a miracle just by default.

We're here because of the miracle of life. The miracle is that two people made love and YOU now exist because of that. I have the privilege of witnessing this every Monday at clinicals, and whether or not I actually get to be apart of the birthing and labor process, tears still well up in my eyes every time I see a Mom hold her baby for the first time, or see the excitement of a new grandparent or the love of a new Dad. It makes me realize how special I am and how loved I am, and how much love my parents have for each other, and how much love I have for my Husband and for our future children. Life is such a miracle, it's incomprehensible. Whether you are Jewish, Christian or Muslim, we all got here the EXACT same way, we are all love.

Today was overwhelming, even though it was uneventful. Aside for the newborn assessment and bath that I was able to actually provide for the newborn, nothing other than the pure fact of life/birth had me in awe. Going for a run and swim my a necessary decompression and helps me to figure out where my place is in this crazy world. it helps me sort through the million and one feelings I had today. It helps me realize how my daily experiences help challenge me and transform me into a better person, and the running and swimming ain't to bad for the bod either ;)

Diamonds aren't perfect... and they're still amazing...

1 Down... 5 To Go...semesters that is.... It really doesn't even matter - I mean it does, but isn't this life... it always feels like a count down - one more year until X, 4 more months until Y, and I caught myself just today thinking, as I was talking to my Bestfriend about a trip coming up in three weeks... I was thinking about planning another one with her... WHY CAN'T WE JUST APPRECIATE THE MOMENT?!!!!

I mean, we'd like to think we do, we soak it all up and tuck it away in a safe place in our hearts and minds, but (and especially this day in age) we are just expecting the 'next best thing' to happen. Or maybe that's just me? :)

Answer you say? Well, I don't really have one, but I do know that graditude takes you far places and invites additional moments of sucess and happiness into our lives. Gratitude alsos keep you in the moment and unveils the reality of your life, good or bad.

I guess my point, if I do have one, is that the melody of our lives depends on our prespective of our lives. The key to having keen perspective is living in reality.If we are waiting for the next best thing, then were are not living in the present and therefore not living in reality. On the other hand, if our reality is reeling it's ugly head and we'd rather be elsewhere people always say, "put it in perspective." It comes full circle. We can be in the darkest place but with the correct tune we can realize that not only are we imperect but in that same light we are eloqently perfect. If you think about all of the things that are imperfect in nature and this lifetime just due to the simple fact that they made by nature (or man) and then you think about how intrinsicly perfect our bodies are to maintain homeostatis in the face of adversity you realize you can overcome anything that comes your way. You sorta start saying "Bring it on" (but not really... that was enough, I'd just like to relax right here right now). The melody or tune of your life is that much brighter because you've accepted yourself for who you are and what you've been through that brought you to this moment, right here right now, and that's how you realize you're ok, life is ok. We may not be perfect, but neither are diamonds. Diamonds aren't even pretty until they've been roughed up a bit on the outside to reveal the truth within. If you ask me, diamonds are pretty dang amazing, just like you.

Togo, Africa

Ok, so of all the things that I SHOULD be doing right now... I cannot wait to share this news with everyone! A HUGE DOT has just been placed on my map of life. It's truley amazing!

Without getting into TOO much detail... because there is a lot of detail... the night before my car accident I prayed that God would use me to help other people. It has truly manifested itself in a lot of things that I have done in my life and had happen to me post accident, but this is the true workings of the Lord... I know I sound like "Jesus Freak" right now, even using that word makes me sound like one, but really... there is NO DENYING what has just manifested in our life right now.

So on April 30th, I went and spoke as a guest speaker at my old High School for the program called "Every 15 Mintues" (www.Every15Minutes.com). I spoke at the "night of the living dead" where students who were involved in the "Mock Crash" came and listened to 3 other guest speakers share their stories of how their lives had been changed by others while under the influence. Now, I have spoken at this a few times over the past 7 years, and 3 years ago I met a women who is a nurse at John Muir in Walnut Creek, before I had decided to go back to school for Nursing. Well, Sheri was there again, and she remembered that I was thinking of going back to school for Nursing three years ago and was so excited to hear that I had started at program at USF.

As we were talking about how wonderful Nurses are and all the options there are, she mentioned that she actually worked over in Africa with a friend that started clinic. This clinic is currently looking for MSN prepared students AND, get this... a Finance person... enter Brett! It's honestly too good to be true and pass up.

Brett and I have always wanted to be able to travel to a foreign country and visit and volunteer and make a difference in the World. This is truly God pushing us in the direction he has called upon us. It's truly a blessing!

If you are a nurse or physican or in finance/accounting, please let me know if you are interested, I can send you more information. Sharon, the women at the mission hospital in Togo said that the needs [here] on this side of the world are huge - and there sure are not many people available to help with those
needs.

Looking forward to Serving in Togo!