As I parked my car, my eyes and heart scanned the dusty parking lot for his car, to no avail. I seized this opportunity and fed my vanity. With a quick peek into my rearview mirror, a pinch of the cheeks and a dab of lip gloss, I hopped eagerly out of the car a headed inside. As I made my way amongst the loud clatter of video game machines, 60’s B-Bop music and maze of people, I felt a sense of maturity. Within the deep sea of tracker trailers, truckers and vacationing families coming up for air along the onerous and dreary stretch of I-5, here we were. Spawned from our yesteryears into young adults we were able to premeditate and execute a causal yet random encounter, keeping true to our ritual of periodic visits, regardless of location. Making my way through the TA Visitor center, the crowds gently parted making enough room for the memories that came flooding through as I spotted him peacefully sitting at a nearby table.
The combination of my recent trip down memory lane in the realm of my own existence driving from West Covina to here, alongside the sight of an old flame and dear friend made my heart fluttered. I immediately hedged the antics of the typical ex-girlfriend, star-crossed lover type and put on my laid back, too cool for school cool ex-girlfriend hat on and gave Brett the one-two confident kiss on the check with a slight jump hug. After our respective hellos, we ordered our food. My order included three beef tacos and a coke, but more importantly, I finished them. I wanted to ensure and impress upon the fact that I wasn’t one of those fit and skinny girls who fussed and rearranged their food to make it look half eaten. I took those tacos down and over our meal, I confirmed my exuberant and vivacious zest for life by divulging the details of my upcoming excursion abroad, how I would be going to Spain for 6 weeks to take business classes where only Spanish was spoken to elicit credits for my double major in Broadcast Journalism and Business with minor in Spanish. Going down the mental checklist, I’d checked the three of the four cool ex-girlfriend boxes. I was fun, I had an appetite for life and smart but I’d save the best for last. Next I’d confer upon him the details of my most recent, quasi long-term, yet relaxed relationship with Nick. Not only was I fun, vivacious and smart, but I was wanted, and apart from the fact that Brett did not get a word in edge wise, at least he was up to speed with the facts.
In reality, I may have held, or had the potential to inhabit the four quintessential “cool ex-girlfriend boxes” or qualities but one thing was not true. When I left Nick in Arizona, we had left things between us “open” because that was the only thing Nick could give me. Sure our relationship was “relaxed,” but that was Nick’s nature, commitment phobic, lacking any true capacity to show love or commit. However, Nick’s ability to put just enough effort in to perpetuate a mirage of a “relationship” was an art form, and had me clinging to any affirmation of affiliation. The affiliation of Nick and I was the illumination and echo of my self-doubt, induced by my personal insecurities and foolishness.
August 26, 2010
August 20, 2010
Danielle Steel and My Book ... and Danielle Steel!!!
As many of you may or may not know, Brett and I live within the realms of Pacific Heights, and while I cherish the boastful scenery of Lafayette Park, since Brett and I have moved here, I have admired that lofty and beatiful home that is accross the park from us, the home of Danielle Steel.
August 13th, 2010 marked the beginning of my journey to write a memoir about my car accident that happened in May of 2003. While there were three things I knew that I wanted to do while lying in the hospital bed during my hospital stay after my car accident, I never knew that within me existed the capacity to follow through with my desires.
Those three desires, premonitions actually based on the happenings of my life pre-accident, were to become a nurse, write a book/memior regarding my accident and the third really coincides with the first two, and that is to help others. In essense, I was awaiting personal transformation. Now, I want to instill in others what I have learned, without others having to go through what I have endured. The hard part, really, will be figuring out HOW to do that, but I hope that through my daily actions, being a wife, a mother someday, a nurse, a friend and through my book that I will inspire individuals to live out their desires, because I know if I encompass the attributes of sucess, anyone can!
Support systems are essential and there have been important people along the way, especially recently that have really amplified the tiping point to this incredible journey. My Husband and best friend, my bestfriends from high school who have known me before and after this tragedy and supported through and through, my Mother-In-Law - really my Husbands entire family, Dorette Franks (who just completed the most extreme endurance event - an Ultraman) and most recently Danielle Steel.
Since the recent mind talk I have had with myself with respect to starting this journey, most serendipitiously have turned out to be the conversations and premonitions (I whole heartidly believe in the mantra of "The Secret")I have had about meeting and/or emailing (I know two completely different things) Danielle Steel. A few weeks back, before I had decided to take this plunge and commit to following through with the long journey of writing my story (especially during my Nursing Master's Program, which is time consuming in and of itself) I emailed Danielle Steel. I know crazy, right? But I thought to myself that I might as well take a chance and email her and see if I can ask for her advice with respect to writing a book. I was not expecting a response, nothing against Danielle Steel, but I assume she receives 1,000's of emails and letters from fans a day asking her questions just like mine. After all, it is Danielle Steel! And if you know me, it is not really like me to do something like this. But I had a gut feeling that I needed this more for myself, than for anything, so I did it. And guess what... she wrote me back!!!
As Brett and I are in beautiful Bend, Oregon on a mini vacation, we returned home from a beatiful day from Elk Lake. I quickly checked my email and found an email address that I did not recognize. I opened it up, and when I read the initial paragraph, I couldn't understand where this woman/ or person had received my email, and I had assumed that it was a reader of my blog, until I read the next paragraph!
It was Danielle Steel!!!!! Not only is her advice is incredible as she pointed to key aspects I never had thought about myself, such as character building down to when my manuscript is ready to send out what to do... to think... Gina is going to have a manuscript! My goal is to be a Julia Julia of sorts and have my story/memior/manuscript turned into a movie! Danielle Steel can be the Julia Child and I can be the ... the Gina Cummings! I know this is bigger than myself, it makes me feel like I am in the right place... and I like it!
Thank you Danielle!!!
August 13th, 2010 marked the beginning of my journey to write a memoir about my car accident that happened in May of 2003. While there were three things I knew that I wanted to do while lying in the hospital bed during my hospital stay after my car accident, I never knew that within me existed the capacity to follow through with my desires.
Those three desires, premonitions actually based on the happenings of my life pre-accident, were to become a nurse, write a book/memior regarding my accident and the third really coincides with the first two, and that is to help others. In essense, I was awaiting personal transformation. Now, I want to instill in others what I have learned, without others having to go through what I have endured. The hard part, really, will be figuring out HOW to do that, but I hope that through my daily actions, being a wife, a mother someday, a nurse, a friend and through my book that I will inspire individuals to live out their desires, because I know if I encompass the attributes of sucess, anyone can!
Support systems are essential and there have been important people along the way, especially recently that have really amplified the tiping point to this incredible journey. My Husband and best friend, my bestfriends from high school who have known me before and after this tragedy and supported through and through, my Mother-In-Law - really my Husbands entire family, Dorette Franks (who just completed the most extreme endurance event - an Ultraman) and most recently Danielle Steel.
Since the recent mind talk I have had with myself with respect to starting this journey, most serendipitiously have turned out to be the conversations and premonitions (I whole heartidly believe in the mantra of "The Secret")I have had about meeting and/or emailing (I know two completely different things) Danielle Steel. A few weeks back, before I had decided to take this plunge and commit to following through with the long journey of writing my story (especially during my Nursing Master's Program, which is time consuming in and of itself) I emailed Danielle Steel. I know crazy, right? But I thought to myself that I might as well take a chance and email her and see if I can ask for her advice with respect to writing a book. I was not expecting a response, nothing against Danielle Steel, but I assume she receives 1,000's of emails and letters from fans a day asking her questions just like mine. After all, it is Danielle Steel! And if you know me, it is not really like me to do something like this. But I had a gut feeling that I needed this more for myself, than for anything, so I did it. And guess what... she wrote me back!!!
As Brett and I are in beautiful Bend, Oregon on a mini vacation, we returned home from a beatiful day from Elk Lake. I quickly checked my email and found an email address that I did not recognize. I opened it up, and when I read the initial paragraph, I couldn't understand where this woman/ or person had received my email, and I had assumed that it was a reader of my blog, until I read the next paragraph!
It was Danielle Steel!!!!! Not only is her advice is incredible as she pointed to key aspects I never had thought about myself, such as character building down to when my manuscript is ready to send out what to do... to think... Gina is going to have a manuscript! My goal is to be a Julia Julia of sorts and have my story/memior/manuscript turned into a movie! Danielle Steel can be the Julia Child and I can be the ... the Gina Cummings! I know this is bigger than myself, it makes me feel like I am in the right place... and I like it!
Thank you Danielle!!!
August 13, 2010
Contradictory or complimentary
August marks a year for the blog: The Serendipitious Quest. In pondering my own existence and the relatively new existence of the Facebook's, myspace and blogs, I begun to question not only the purpose/reason for this blog but also the meaning and need for The Serendipitious Quest. What does The Serendipitous Quest stand for...who does it reach?
When you break down The Serendipitous Quest it's actually an oxymoron. Go figure - sums up my life. Back on point... when breaking it down, the definition of Serendipity is "to come across unexpectedly based upon wisdom or sanity" and Quest means "to seek out and discover." How then could these two words manifest themselves within the same sentence and be logical? For what basis does this blog exist?
Many others have pondered the meaning and use of the word Serendipity. In the confines of my own existence, and I am sure others will agree, a quest so to speak is self-explanatory, but serendipity - serendipitiy's use in the english dictionary according to Oxford has only recently exploded, much thanks to the internet.
So what does serendipity really mean and what makes my blog - or ME for that matter different? What makes my story and my perceptions a platform worth exploring? And by asking this question - does it kill the essense of this blogs existence?
For now, I will leave the calling into question the use for and of the word serendipity for therorists and philosophers to chase their tails and muddle around with other fancy words that they use to define their knowledge/existence. Yes, to be in quest of something that you are suppose to accidently run into is an oxymoron. But what happens when something or someone accidently RUNS INTO YOU!? What happens if you are fired from your job or someone elses action(s) changes the course of your life. Or what happens if you are born with a disability?
The Serendipitious Quest ceases to be in oxymoron when your disability is used to make you 'able. That is, the serendiptious nature of your "disability" ignites a fire within you that sparks a quest to get you from "point A" to "point B." We all encompass a serendipitous nature by default of being human. It is the way in which we choose to see ourselves in light of a situation, to realize that one path no longer exists but upon our proper scrutiny, or quest, the full potential, realization and actualization of other paths and our existence can refine our overall well-being. It's the "Silver Lining" of a situation that takes us to grace and opens our hearts and minds to the exploration of our self and it's there that we discover our Serendipity and Quest.
When you break down The Serendipitous Quest it's actually an oxymoron. Go figure - sums up my life. Back on point... when breaking it down, the definition of Serendipity is "to come across unexpectedly based upon wisdom or sanity" and Quest means "to seek out and discover." How then could these two words manifest themselves within the same sentence and be logical? For what basis does this blog exist?
Many others have pondered the meaning and use of the word Serendipity. In the confines of my own existence, and I am sure others will agree, a quest so to speak is self-explanatory, but serendipity - serendipitiy's use in the english dictionary according to Oxford has only recently exploded, much thanks to the internet.
So what does serendipity really mean and what makes my blog - or ME for that matter different? What makes my story and my perceptions a platform worth exploring? And by asking this question - does it kill the essense of this blogs existence?
For now, I will leave the calling into question the use for and of the word serendipity for therorists and philosophers to chase their tails and muddle around with other fancy words that they use to define their knowledge/existence. Yes, to be in quest of something that you are suppose to accidently run into is an oxymoron. But what happens when something or someone accidently RUNS INTO YOU!? What happens if you are fired from your job or someone elses action(s) changes the course of your life. Or what happens if you are born with a disability?
The Serendipitious Quest ceases to be in oxymoron when your disability is used to make you 'able. That is, the serendiptious nature of your "disability" ignites a fire within you that sparks a quest to get you from "point A" to "point B." We all encompass a serendipitous nature by default of being human. It is the way in which we choose to see ourselves in light of a situation, to realize that one path no longer exists but upon our proper scrutiny, or quest, the full potential, realization and actualization of other paths and our existence can refine our overall well-being. It's the "Silver Lining" of a situation that takes us to grace and opens our hearts and minds to the exploration of our self and it's there that we discover our Serendipity and Quest.
August 5, 2010
The Miracle of Mindfulness
I just got back from a run. 7.5 miles, my first run since the olympic distance triatholon at Treasure Island (1.5 km swim, 40km mile bike, 10 km run. I can see the T-Shirt I'm wearing in the reflection of the computer screen, it's the one I got for finishing the treasure island tri.
Today I feel good. I feel empowered, love and hope. I feel like anything is possible. I feel like my dreams keep coming true.
I've been told that there is a chance that the magazine "Runners World" wants to interview me. I feel excited. I feel like I should be studying. I feel lucky, blessed and priveledged to be able to do what I love - Nursing. My life is exactly how I imagined it to be given my circumstances. I've added the story of my car accident and some photos to my blog per a recommendation from a friend. Crazy to think that was me. I feel healed.
Today was the first time since my accident that I felt strong running. That's 7 years and 3 months of feeling suffocated when I work out. Like the amount of air I get in, I can't get out. I felt free, and for the first time, I got tired before I got out of breath. It must be all the training. Training may be the answers to my all my prayers. I feel liberated from the suffering I've endured. I feel new. I feel like me again. I feel mindful.
There are two ways to run... the first is in order to finish the run. The second is to run the distance in order to run the distance. If while running the distance we think only of getting the run finished, thus hurrying to get the run out of the way as if it was a nuisance, then we are not alive at the time of the run. In fact, we are completely incapable of realizing the miracle of life within ourselves while running. If we run and focus on our breath, our legs and the components of our body while we run, emmersed in the present moment, it is here that we realize the miracle of life and the miracle of mindfulness. It is through the miracle of mindfulness that we have access to the present moment, where we can be free from the pain of the past (physical and mental) and focus on the joy the present moment offers.
Today I feel good. I feel empowered, love and hope. I feel like anything is possible. I feel like my dreams keep coming true.
I've been told that there is a chance that the magazine "Runners World" wants to interview me. I feel excited. I feel like I should be studying. I feel lucky, blessed and priveledged to be able to do what I love - Nursing. My life is exactly how I imagined it to be given my circumstances. I've added the story of my car accident and some photos to my blog per a recommendation from a friend. Crazy to think that was me. I feel healed.
Today was the first time since my accident that I felt strong running. That's 7 years and 3 months of feeling suffocated when I work out. Like the amount of air I get in, I can't get out. I felt free, and for the first time, I got tired before I got out of breath. It must be all the training. Training may be the answers to my all my prayers. I feel liberated from the suffering I've endured. I feel new. I feel like me again. I feel mindful.
There are two ways to run... the first is in order to finish the run. The second is to run the distance in order to run the distance. If while running the distance we think only of getting the run finished, thus hurrying to get the run out of the way as if it was a nuisance, then we are not alive at the time of the run. In fact, we are completely incapable of realizing the miracle of life within ourselves while running. If we run and focus on our breath, our legs and the components of our body while we run, emmersed in the present moment, it is here that we realize the miracle of life and the miracle of mindfulness. It is through the miracle of mindfulness that we have access to the present moment, where we can be free from the pain of the past (physical and mental) and focus on the joy the present moment offers.
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