1 Day Post-Op

"Patient is an extremely pleasant 28 year old female status post MVA in May of 2003..."

Yesterday, as I was being pre-op'd for my procedure, in which my surgeon planned to increase the diameter of my airway and place a steriod injection in my left vocal fold - I read through volume 3 of 3 of my medical file. Every patient history page started off with the quote from above - which is a reflection of 1 of 2 things... the truth or pure laziness. As I sifted through the hundreds of pages - now knowing where to look and what to look for due to my clincal experience through nursing school - I found something incredible.

As we go through life, it is SO easy to forget the amazing barriers we've traversed our ways around. It's SO easy to simply forget all that we have been through and what we have overcome. We tend to focus on the future, where we are going, what we are doing with our lives, what we need and want for ourselves and so fourth that it is so easy to forget where we have been, what we have been through, and most importantly, what we have overcome.

As I read back through my charts dating back to Decemeber 2003, I read things like "Pt eagar to have trache removed..." May of 2004... "Pt complaining of SOB at rest and inability to excercise." As I read through numerous other accounts over the years of my surgeon perception of my circumstance, it was clear as day to see the progress I have made to the present day. SOB at rest is NOW non-exsistence (well, a little right now between my excitement over life and the edema/swelling in my throat from the procedure). And exercise intolerance? I'm swimming, biking and running miles at a time!!! All this happened while I was busy trying to "get my voice back."

Sure, when I look at today, and where I would like to be - singing, laughing out loud - yelling... it makes me well up inside with the loss I have suffered, but I'd be lying if I didn't say I also well up inside with happy tears thinking about how far I've come, how much I've endured - and how I would do it all over again and not change a thing about myself or my life.

I think we as humans forget to think about where we've come from, what we've endured and we forget to give ourselves pats on the back for the accomplishments that we have achieved and the heartache and loss we have endured that we indirectly cause a greater disservice to ourselves. We fail to reflect on who we have become.

We all know that our experiences not only shape the way our brains think and the way we operate. However, we overlook the importance of self-reflection which make our experiences null. If we do not celebrate who we are and what we have achieved and what our hardships have pulled out from deep within us it makes the process incomplete.

One of the greatest challenges in life is giving ourselves enough credit that we deserve and basking in the glory that is our own existence the good and the bad.

As I woke in the recovery room, I met with the head nurse of the Ear Nose and Throat Clinic at UC Davis. My surgeon put me in contact with her to discuss the opportunity of joining their team upon graduation. I immediatley recognized her from my initial stay at UC Davis and rehabilitiation process. She immediatley recognized me as well saying... "You were so independent and stubborn." I didn't know if she was talking about the time I demanded to have my trache taken out - only to have it placed back in 2 1/2 weeks later aftering waking up at 3am not being able to breath calling 911. Or the fact that I would use the red cap to plug my trache, run until I couldn't breathe and then unplug the trache to enough air into my lungs. Or the time the doctors took my feeding tube out and I could finally eat a real meal. The Doctors instructed me to start off with soft foods such as puddings, yogurt and apple sauce and continue on a liquid diet with protein shakes as a base. Once we left the hospital that day a trip In-N-Out Burger was in order.

Maybe a more honest history of present illness should read "Patient is an extremely pleasant 28 year old female status post MVA in May of 2003...who is bound to get her voice back due to her independent and stubborn nature." But for now, I will focus on what I know. I've come a long way and I have a long way to go.

I feel changed... not because I know more, but because I know less.

We're home! And thank God!

The trip was amazing - the sights and experience incredible and impossible to put into words. After being gone for a month, taking 15 flights, an adjusting to an 11 hour time zone difference, travelling over 20,000 plus miles, a few skeptical bus rides and intense dreams from prophylactic anti-malarial meds, we're thankful to be home.

I feel changed through our experiences and through the sights of the various countries in Africa, but not because I know more, but because I know less.

This trip was undeniabley the most insane trip Brett and I have or will ever take together - fingers crossed. Africa is a continent like no other. After visiting three countries, Egypt, South Africa and Tanzania we are so thankful to be home - and American. The poverty and quality of life in some parts of Africa that we drove through/saw is heartbreaking.

Most, if not ALL the areas we visit thrive due to tourism. You have Egypt which has the pyramids of course, and most of the individuals make a living either through tourism or agriculture- mainly tourism. South Africa more developed and more first world (we even tasted some of the best wine we've ever had) however, the economy down there has taken a hit due to news that the area is unsafe to travel - which Brett and I unfortunaltey experienced ourselves (more in a bit). Finally, Tanzania is again tourism (Safari and Kili hikes) and agriculture yet the income provided by tourism leaves the country at the hands of foreign investors who own/invest in the safari lodges - they actually fly in the food we were eating because the food would make the average tourist too sick to enjoy their vacation.

In South Africa, we stayed in the Gardens district, which was about a 10-15 minute walk to the VA waterfront. On our first day there (New Years Eve), we left our Guest House and decided to walk down to the VA Waterfront, which we assumed would be perfectly safe, considering it was the middle of the day and light outside. Upon approximently halfway there, after stopping through the local market where touts sell trinkets, carvings and souvieres we continued to make our way through to the waterfront. I saw this neat statue type thing in the shape of a rainbow and wanted to take a photo in front of it. It had a beatifult view of table mountain in the background. As Brett and I were crossing the street, a homeless man approached us asking us for money - not unusual. Brett kindly told him he didn't have any cash, which we didn't pull any of SA currency, Rand, out yet. The gentleman wouldn't leave us alone and actually waited for Brett to take the picture of me and continued to follow us, talking us up, telling us how he "know people like us have money" and to "stop lying and running away from him." Even after Brett continued to kindly tell him we were trying to enjoy our time and that we weren't running from him (just walking really fast) asked him to leave us alone he kept following us and asking us for money. Finally, waving his beenie for money in our faces, he pulled his long sleeved shirt back on his right arm to show a large steak knife. We continued to ask him to leave us alone and his response was that he would leave us alone but keep following us. We grabbed the first cab we saw.

This incident was much scarier than when I type it out, as you're in the moment, in foreign land, foreign and alone, after reading about how unsafe SA is, only to find out the truth was not only heartbreaking but terrifying. We were both quite taken back by the situation - things we thought you only read about, but now here it was becoming our reality. Needless to say, we shook it off and continued to enjoy our day, just a bit more skiddish and aware.

I want to share with you some of the journaling I did while we were over there. I'll post a few in the days to come from the different coutries/lands we were in.

Happy to be home.

Happy New Year from Cape Town, South Africa!!!

Brett and I spent our first New Year together A&A - abroad and alone. After taking three flights to get down to South Africa - Capetown (we flew 1 hour from Dahab, Egypt to Cairo, Egypt then after a three hour layover flew 8 hours from Cairo to Joburg, South Africa with another three hour layover and then flew from Joburg to Cape Town which was 2 hours...).

Needlessto say - we weren't too tired to immediatley hit the grounds here in Cape Town and put our tourist hats on! We walked through the amazing Dutch and European style streets and visited some local markets. The people here are filled with love and have a lot of energy and spirit.

We ended up at the VA Waterfront and spontaneously took a sunset cruise on a yatch with bottomless champaign - great New Years Eve combo! We each had four glasses - but who is counting... Then we headed to dinner.

I'd be lying if I said we made it to midnight. After our hectic travels, we actually decided after a sunset cruise and celebratory dinner, we skipped the fireworks, beat the traffic and headed back to our B&B Manor. We did see midnight from the comforts of our "home."

Our cab driver on the way home - unfamilar with traffic apparently - kept saying F&*# Sh*t over and over again and swearing at people with nice cars while simultaneously hollaring at the "beautiful mamas." He told Brett and I that he finds the "right one" ever two months... and then proceeded to scream profanities. Our favorite was "Mother NATURE!" instead of "Mother ..." - well you get the point.

We are happy to be here and out of Egypt - for Egypt (aside from Dahab) was insane. The combination of smog, honking horns, auditory and visual stimulation along with 5 time daily prayers was enough after 4-5 days. The driving is insane was well - the white lines painted on the road are pointless and there are NO traffic laws - NONE... It's UNREAL!

Tomorrow, after a tour of Robben Island (considered the Alcatraz of South Africa) - where Nelson Mandela was held for 30 years, we head to South Africa Wine Country. We are renting a car, scary - well won't say that because Brett is driving, but I will say that they drive on the "opposite side" of the street here, and while I am in the "drivers seat" in the Western World, I will actually be the passenger. Pretty much a metaphor for Brett and I's relationship. After 5 nights - we head to the airport to fly to Tanzania for our game drive! Can't wait!!!

Well, we're off for more adventures. We feel VERY blessed to have safe travels!! Miss all of you dearly!!!!!

XoXo - Brett & Gina