What Yoga Is To Me

What Yoga is to me is a post based upon the first homework assignment we have at CorePower Yoga 200 hour Teacher Training beginning February 21, 2017. I'm sharing this in hopes to inspire you. Yoga has various meanings to various individuals. I'm so excited when I meet someone who loves yoga as much as I do but even more so sad when someone feels like they've tried yoga once or twice, gotten what they feel was a bad teacher or had a bad experience and was turned off. Or when someone thinks they "can't do yoga." My hope is that my journey creates a connection between you and yoga and that you are able to find your own happiness in yoga. It has caused some serious change in my life and taught me the power each one of us holds inside ourselves. Enjoy

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Yoga is peace, power and presence. Yoga is my place of peace and happiness, freedom and change. Yoga takes the old and mundane and turns it into new and gratitude. Yoga is forgiveness. Yoga is a light. Yoga is my place of solitude and self-acceptance and renewal. It keeps me sane by bringing out my full potential and closer to my true self.  Yoga is a workout. Yoga is cleansing of the mind both physically and spiritually. It changes the foods I choose to put into my body and it changes the way my mind works.

I began practicing yoga shortly after my first child Brayden was born. Roughly four months or so after he was born my best friend Annie of 20+ years from childhood who is an instructor shared her journey with me. She needn’t say much, as I could see the change that yoga made in her body but most importantly her mind and consequently her life. She had lost her father to a glioblastoma a few years prior and like her I had lost something significant in my life as well, my voice. She found her confidence and her truth, both were shining bright. I wanted some of what she had.

A couple of years and children later (two), several months after my second child was born, Annie told me about a new yoga studio opening up called Corepower Yoga. I was hooked.

Yoga is change. Yoga is life. You need nothing more than your self to “do” yoga. However, you don’t really “do” yoga, we are all yoga. Yoga is a symbolic and symbiotic relationship with yourself and your life. It’s the ebb and the flow of your breath and mind.  It is the connection between your body, heart, mind, soul and creator. It’s the connection to your higher self. The meaning of yoga is constantly changing for me. It is a journey. Each class shows me different aspect, characteristic and layer of myself. It shows me my peace, happiness and power. It shows me my strengths and my weaknesses. It connects me to the power I have to be anything or anyone I want to be in the most genuine and authentic way. It creates a happiness and high that allows me to reach my fullest potential. Yoga is a surprise. Yoga is a message in a bottle that I wrote to myself as a young child free of any cares that I found washed up upon the shore. Yoga is my freedom and my choice. Yoga is self-love, self-acceptance and the love of others. Yoga is a healing. 

Brilliance: YOU & GaGa

I'm not usually the type to write about celebrities or really care about who they are or what they do and/or say. But, on a recent trip to NYC, this photo, plastered along the city streets and in Times Square of Lady GaGa caught my attention and inspired me.


I, like many people, thought she was just plain weird, but when you put the lipstick and wigs aside, and see the true entity of her and her being, she is inspiring. She has made her dreams a reality - something each and everyone of us tries to do every single day of our breathing being - and she continues to thrive. With that said - I want to share some of the things she has said that I find to be inspirational and words we can take with us along our paths to success.


"When I wake up in the morning, I feel like any other insecure 24-year-old girl. Then I say,'Bitch, you're Lady Gaga, you get up and walk the walk today."
— Lady Gaga

"You have to be unique, and different, and shine in your own way."
— Lady Gaga

"I've always been famous, it's just no one knew it yet."
— Lady Gaga

"If you dont have any shadows you're not in the light"
— Lady Gaga

"I used to walk down the street like I was a fucking star... I want people to walk around delusional about how great they can be - and then to fight so hard for it every day that the lie becomes the truth."
— Lady Gaga

"They can't scare me, if I scare them first."
— Lady Gaga

"Don't you ever let a soul in the world tell you that you can't be exactly who you are."
— Lady Gaga

70.3 Miles. The Path to Acceptance?

They say that when you suffer any kind of loss you endure a grieving process; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

Last weekend was the Half Ironman that I'd been training for for over 3 months, and let's not kid ourselves - I could have, should have done more. Regardless, this was the most I'd trained for an event before. Let's not forget the Nike Women's Half Marathon in Novemeber 2008, my first event, where I "tapered" during the entire "training" period and woke up on race day and with a pair of shoes with 0 miles on them, logged a sweet 13.1 through the classic Nike Women's track in 2 hours 35 minutes, a time I am not proud of but again - that's what you get when you tapper for 6 months (aka don't train).

Regardless of training regimes prior, all things equal this race was the most challenging race I had ever done, and not because of the effort the distance required, but because of the mental real estate the race had taken up in my head before, during and AFTER the event. It took more out of me mentally than I had anticipated and has escalated ten fold since the inception of my training. Today I am mentally more exhausted than I was during the race or before the race/during my training period. Am I having post-traumatic stress from 70.3?

The night before, Brett and I (and our fan club) drove up to Napa, which is about halfway to Berryessa, and stayed the night to shed an hour off of our drive.

Race day morning started off ok. We woke up and our nerves (or at least mine) were on edge. We sun-screened up - how I wish it was for sunbathing purposes at this point, but the tight bike shorts with awkward butt padding and full body wetsuit told me I was in for a workout quite different than a two piece bikini and a cocktail in hand requires. I finished force feeding myself half a bagel/banana, downed a few sips of coffee and headed out the door with bike and gear.

When we showed up, unpacked our things and set out to the transition area, the weather appears perfect - not too hot, and not too cold and from a far the water looked like glass. The environmental elements of the race are aspects you can't prepare for, only anticipate. After putting on our wetsuits, we headed down to the water with 400 other participants. We listened to the national anthem and at the last minute, got word of a new swim course and heat/wave instructions. Conditions were apparently too tumultuous, it would be too dangerous to have 4 heats of 100 starters and now we would all be starting at the same time. How this is more safe I'm not sure, but I think they wanted to get people in sooner rather than wait until conditions changed for the worse.

The buoys looked far - too far! I mentally began to freak. Scared of being trampled, I said goodbye and good luck to Brett and waited for for about 399 people to pass me before I entered the water. The temperature of the water was not too bad and I remembered Brett telling me start out breast stroking, to better spot where I was headed. Lake Berryessa promised pristine glass like conditions and upon entering the water, conditions were anything BUT. I was immediately slammed with the byproduct of high winds - swells. I never calmed down enough to figure out how to time my breathing against the 1 foot swells and between slaps of water in the face and being sucked under, I was just worrying about surviving. It was terrible. Every time I would come up to breathe, I'd get a mouth full of water and when I tried to breast stroke, my googles would fog up and I couldn't anticipate the next wave that would slap me square in the face. So, patiently, I trudged through the water, more like a water polo player rather than an esteemed triathlete. Goggles off on top of my head, I painstakingly made my way through the first leg. This would be my life for the next 70 minutes (pathetic) and I wondered how Brett made it through.

Transitioning to the next leg of the race - I wanted to quit. 56 Mile on a bike, really, I signed up for this? I couldn't imagine how Brett did 112 miles after swimming double the distance in his Ironman last year - my hero and my inspiration when I wanted to quit right then and there. Brett's Mom was there too - telling me to just take my time and keep going, and so I did - reluctantly. This is insanity and all I could think about was the 4 hours I'd spend on the bike and wishing that this was an olympic distance... I passed Brett twice - or shall I say, he passed me twice - out on the first "out and back" (which I thought was the only out-and-back we had) and out on the second (unknown & unplanned) "out and back." When I saw Brett the second time, I yelled to ask him if I was almost there... the look on his face was full of an expression - hard to explain, but something along the lines of "oh no, you are nowhere near close, not even half way yet...." but all but all I received as a response was "Keep going babe - you're doing great!" No answer to the question posed, I knew this was far from over - and I still had a 13.1 mile run ahead of me.

During the bike, I had convinced myself that I was not going to do the run. Really, a half marathon after a 1.2 mile swim and 56 mile bike - I think I'd be here until dark, and I didn't want Brett's family or Brett to have to wait for my turtle like speed. The reasons to quit were endless. I had seen several people quit the swim and bike throughout the duration of the day... I could quit the run.

After I got off the bike, I was convinced I was going to stop. But after I mounted my bike on the rack at the transition area - there was Brett's Mom again - urging me to go on. Angela and Hurley were there too - and Hurley was so excited to see me, he ran under the orange netted fence and jumped on my lap and gave me some kisses while I laced up my tennies. It didn't even feel like I just rode 56 Miles. I felt good.

The run was uneventful, aside from it ending. Passing Brett - actually Brett passing me again and us complaining to each other in a brief moment of how terrible the swim was and how hilly the bike was and laughing at how far I still had to go on the bike when I asked if I was almost there... we finished.

Sometimes I catch myself taking myself too seriously. For example, racing, or shall I say participating in a race where you can't race sucks. Looking on the brightside, I tell myself, "Gina be honest, you wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't for your car accident, this is your path." But, it is hard not to wonder what I could accomplish with 100% of my airway because participating with 40% makes the option to race obsolete.

Today, as I write this, I am with mixed emotions. I look at Brett with eyes of envy. He's such an inspiration and SO incredible. As we speak, he's out on a 56 Mile ride, the distance we did on race day, to train for his Ironman 112 that he's racing in July. But in all honesty, coming off this event has been depressing and I'm not 100% sure why.

Maybe this is just my path and a part of my grieving process over the loss of my ability to compete athletically secondary to my stenosed airway (fancy nursing jargon for can't run faster than 6 miles an hour because some moron hit me going 100 miles per hour, oh the irony). Maybe I'm just pissed off because I know I could have swam faster, biked harder and run quicker pre-accident. Maybe my eyes of envy have me bargaining for more. Or maybe I am just withdrawing from the massive amounts of endorphins released on event day. Either way, 70.3 was more mentally taxing than physically (is this good or bad?) and I am hoping this sort of post-race depression is a part of the path to acceptance, where "more" isn't internally measured by my race time and I can genuinely appreciate what my heart has motivated me to accomplish.

Let the countdown begin...5 Days until the 1/2 Ironman

"I'm tappering." I'm ready... or am I?

Signing up for this race was the most aggressive endurance related move I've ever made. The 1/2 Ironman (1.2 Mile Swim, 56 Mile Bike, 13 Mile run) is this Saturday, April 30th up in Napa... oh jeez!

This week Brett and I are focused on light workouts aimed at maintaining our intensity over a "briefer" (not a word) period of time. I just finished a quick 30 minutes jog and in a few minutes I will join Brett for a 30 minute swim at the gym.

I haven't blogged in a while but during my run today I self inspired myself to write a post.

When I run, I usually think a lot, and for those of you who know me - that can be a scary thing. After Brett and I returned from our 44 mile ride yesterday, I asked him what he thinks about while he's riding/working out. He said that he usually thinks about crossing the finish line. So today, while I was running the thought of crossing the finish line came in and out of my mind and it was difficult not to get emotional. So now I'm running with an increased heart rate and crying (happy tears of course) - which is an interesting combo, making it all that easier to breathe (insert sarcastic whisper). 70.3 Miles is a big deal. Plain and simple. It's probably the most I will ever push my body and to be honest ... I'm already $&6!#&^ my pants.

Alright, maybe I'm not having destructible bowel movements, but I'm ridden with anxiety that I can't seem to kick. Three nights ago, I was dreaming and telling myself over and over again that there is no way that I can finish a 70.3 mile race with 40% if my airway. Two nights ago, I had a dream that it was the day of my Half Ironman and I was taking my contacts out because I thought I'd be able to see better with glasses during the swim portion of the run, but then I couldn't figure out how to get my googles on over my glasses. And last night, I woke up in the middle of the night from a night terror where Brett and I weren't married and he was playing me like a fiddle. I woke up seriously dazed and confused, uncertain of what was reality and what was truth. As you can see, my mind is playing tricks on me, which leads me to my point.

How many times have we given up on dreams or aspirations we've had because our minds have played tricks on us? How many times have you told yourself no, knowing the answer could be yes with the right amount of determination. 2 years ago, as I watch Brett finish this same race, I remember vividly admiring him from afar and thinking there was NO WAY I could ever do a triathlon, let alone a 1/2 Ironman. I gave myself all sorts of reasons... There would be no way I could swim and/or bike with such a small airway. Those turned out to be the easiest of the three events!!!! I'm here to tell you that we can be anyone we want to be and do anything we want to do, it's only our minds that stand in the way and create false realities for us. We are the only thing standing in the way from us realizing our dreams and true capacity as individuals. Step aside "me," "I" know "You" can do this! Silly me...

I know many of you will read this, and some of you may have similar aspirations to complete a Triathlon, to run a half marathon, a marathon, whatever it may be - physical, mental, emotional. I'm here telling you that you can do it. Just believe in YOU. Don't worry about how fast someone else is, or how long it would take you to complete something, or how hard it will be, because you can't possibly know the truth until you try. Going in with the right attitude is everything. Just believe that you can do it. Imagine the finish line, the rest will work itself out in due time. You owe it to yourself to be the best you. Because I'm telling you, if I can finish 70.3 miles with 40% of my airway and you have 100% of yours...you can be a Half Ironman too! I promise you that! And if a Half Ironman isn't your cup of tea, I know something else is. Go get it and tell "Me" to stuff it!

Giving 100% with only 40.

I've FINALLY begun my "training" for the aggressive Half-Iron Man I signed Brett and I up for back in Novemeber - like I said, it was an aggressive move. With only 40% of my airway... I'm planning to swim 1.2 miles, Bike 56 miles and run 13.1 miles, can you say aggrrresssiivveee...!!!

Tonight while I was running, which was a challenge... I can say that giving 100% with only 40% feels good while doing it, and thinking about crossing the finish line (after what I'm guessing while be 8 hours of my life) feels amazing too - but the thought of running before I am actually running is daunting. It's daunting to think about participating. It's daunting to sign up. It's daunting to think about doing anything with nothing BUT 100% of anything.

The reality is I do only physically have 40%, but mentally, I have an infinite amount of potential - we ALL do. It doesn't matter the amount of talent we have, the muscle mass we have or even the diameter of our airways. All that matters is the amount of passion, drive and will-power we have. It's about the amount faith we have in ourselves and the amount of trust we have in our inner potential to actualize our dreams. If we just believe we CAN do something, we have infinite potential to DO it. Like Nike tells you, "Just Do It." Giving 100% negates a 40%, and any other obstacle you think is standing in your way for that matter.

Do you hear what I hear...? MY VOICE!

After 7 years and 8 month I had a stint of about 15 minutes last night of "Normal voice."

I wanted to titled this "My Voice has returned!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" but I didn't want to jinx my voice or get ahead of myself, but for a span of about 15 minutes last night laying in bed before Brett and I went to sleep, my voice was coming through LOUD and CLEAR!

It seems the less I try to force a voice, the better off it is sounding. It sounded like I just had a plugged nose or was just getting over being sick. Now with that said, some of you might say, that's how you always sound - Brett did - but this was more clear than my voice has ever been since my car accident happened 7 years ago!

As we were laying in bed, I started singing Christmas carols! Frosty The Snowman and Jingle Bells and while it wasn't loud first, it got loud and Brett - trying to fall asleep - got annoyed. To his defense, he was sweet about it and exhausted from a long day at work. He was so sweet, when I asked him how good it sounded - he said, you always sound like that to me. To clarify, I didn't always sound THAT GOOD! I was so excited, I could barely contain myself - 7 years!! To finally hear the sound of some of my words was really too good to be true. I had a hard time believing what I was hearing and I let myself only get excited for a few minutes - I felt like calling everyone I knew at 11pm. I did call my Dad and left him a message so he could hear!

I'm hesitant to even post this blog - I don't want to jinx my voice but I think it might be safe to say that the surgery is being to show and I hope signs of marked improvement continue to come! YAY!

1 Day Post-Op

"Patient is an extremely pleasant 28 year old female status post MVA in May of 2003..."

Yesterday, as I was being pre-op'd for my procedure, in which my surgeon planned to increase the diameter of my airway and place a steriod injection in my left vocal fold - I read through volume 3 of 3 of my medical file. Every patient history page started off with the quote from above - which is a reflection of 1 of 2 things... the truth or pure laziness. As I sifted through the hundreds of pages - now knowing where to look and what to look for due to my clincal experience through nursing school - I found something incredible.

As we go through life, it is SO easy to forget the amazing barriers we've traversed our ways around. It's SO easy to simply forget all that we have been through and what we have overcome. We tend to focus on the future, where we are going, what we are doing with our lives, what we need and want for ourselves and so fourth that it is so easy to forget where we have been, what we have been through, and most importantly, what we have overcome.

As I read back through my charts dating back to Decemeber 2003, I read things like "Pt eagar to have trache removed..." May of 2004... "Pt complaining of SOB at rest and inability to excercise." As I read through numerous other accounts over the years of my surgeon perception of my circumstance, it was clear as day to see the progress I have made to the present day. SOB at rest is NOW non-exsistence (well, a little right now between my excitement over life and the edema/swelling in my throat from the procedure). And exercise intolerance? I'm swimming, biking and running miles at a time!!! All this happened while I was busy trying to "get my voice back."

Sure, when I look at today, and where I would like to be - singing, laughing out loud - yelling... it makes me well up inside with the loss I have suffered, but I'd be lying if I didn't say I also well up inside with happy tears thinking about how far I've come, how much I've endured - and how I would do it all over again and not change a thing about myself or my life.

I think we as humans forget to think about where we've come from, what we've endured and we forget to give ourselves pats on the back for the accomplishments that we have achieved and the heartache and loss we have endured that we indirectly cause a greater disservice to ourselves. We fail to reflect on who we have become.

We all know that our experiences not only shape the way our brains think and the way we operate. However, we overlook the importance of self-reflection which make our experiences null. If we do not celebrate who we are and what we have achieved and what our hardships have pulled out from deep within us it makes the process incomplete.

One of the greatest challenges in life is giving ourselves enough credit that we deserve and basking in the glory that is our own existence the good and the bad.

As I woke in the recovery room, I met with the head nurse of the Ear Nose and Throat Clinic at UC Davis. My surgeon put me in contact with her to discuss the opportunity of joining their team upon graduation. I immediatley recognized her from my initial stay at UC Davis and rehabilitiation process. She immediatley recognized me as well saying... "You were so independent and stubborn." I didn't know if she was talking about the time I demanded to have my trache taken out - only to have it placed back in 2 1/2 weeks later aftering waking up at 3am not being able to breath calling 911. Or the fact that I would use the red cap to plug my trache, run until I couldn't breathe and then unplug the trache to enough air into my lungs. Or the time the doctors took my feeding tube out and I could finally eat a real meal. The Doctors instructed me to start off with soft foods such as puddings, yogurt and apple sauce and continue on a liquid diet with protein shakes as a base. Once we left the hospital that day a trip In-N-Out Burger was in order.

Maybe a more honest history of present illness should read "Patient is an extremely pleasant 28 year old female status post MVA in May of 2003...who is bound to get her voice back due to her independent and stubborn nature." But for now, I will focus on what I know. I've come a long way and I have a long way to go.

I feel changed... not because I know more, but because I know less.

We're home! And thank God!

The trip was amazing - the sights and experience incredible and impossible to put into words. After being gone for a month, taking 15 flights, an adjusting to an 11 hour time zone difference, travelling over 20,000 plus miles, a few skeptical bus rides and intense dreams from prophylactic anti-malarial meds, we're thankful to be home.

I feel changed through our experiences and through the sights of the various countries in Africa, but not because I know more, but because I know less.

This trip was undeniabley the most insane trip Brett and I have or will ever take together - fingers crossed. Africa is a continent like no other. After visiting three countries, Egypt, South Africa and Tanzania we are so thankful to be home - and American. The poverty and quality of life in some parts of Africa that we drove through/saw is heartbreaking.

Most, if not ALL the areas we visit thrive due to tourism. You have Egypt which has the pyramids of course, and most of the individuals make a living either through tourism or agriculture- mainly tourism. South Africa more developed and more first world (we even tasted some of the best wine we've ever had) however, the economy down there has taken a hit due to news that the area is unsafe to travel - which Brett and I unfortunaltey experienced ourselves (more in a bit). Finally, Tanzania is again tourism (Safari and Kili hikes) and agriculture yet the income provided by tourism leaves the country at the hands of foreign investors who own/invest in the safari lodges - they actually fly in the food we were eating because the food would make the average tourist too sick to enjoy their vacation.

In South Africa, we stayed in the Gardens district, which was about a 10-15 minute walk to the VA waterfront. On our first day there (New Years Eve), we left our Guest House and decided to walk down to the VA Waterfront, which we assumed would be perfectly safe, considering it was the middle of the day and light outside. Upon approximently halfway there, after stopping through the local market where touts sell trinkets, carvings and souvieres we continued to make our way through to the waterfront. I saw this neat statue type thing in the shape of a rainbow and wanted to take a photo in front of it. It had a beatifult view of table mountain in the background. As Brett and I were crossing the street, a homeless man approached us asking us for money - not unusual. Brett kindly told him he didn't have any cash, which we didn't pull any of SA currency, Rand, out yet. The gentleman wouldn't leave us alone and actually waited for Brett to take the picture of me and continued to follow us, talking us up, telling us how he "know people like us have money" and to "stop lying and running away from him." Even after Brett continued to kindly tell him we were trying to enjoy our time and that we weren't running from him (just walking really fast) asked him to leave us alone he kept following us and asking us for money. Finally, waving his beenie for money in our faces, he pulled his long sleeved shirt back on his right arm to show a large steak knife. We continued to ask him to leave us alone and his response was that he would leave us alone but keep following us. We grabbed the first cab we saw.

This incident was much scarier than when I type it out, as you're in the moment, in foreign land, foreign and alone, after reading about how unsafe SA is, only to find out the truth was not only heartbreaking but terrifying. We were both quite taken back by the situation - things we thought you only read about, but now here it was becoming our reality. Needless to say, we shook it off and continued to enjoy our day, just a bit more skiddish and aware.

I want to share with you some of the journaling I did while we were over there. I'll post a few in the days to come from the different coutries/lands we were in.

Happy to be home.

Happy New Year from Cape Town, South Africa!!!

Brett and I spent our first New Year together A&A - abroad and alone. After taking three flights to get down to South Africa - Capetown (we flew 1 hour from Dahab, Egypt to Cairo, Egypt then after a three hour layover flew 8 hours from Cairo to Joburg, South Africa with another three hour layover and then flew from Joburg to Cape Town which was 2 hours...).

Needlessto say - we weren't too tired to immediatley hit the grounds here in Cape Town and put our tourist hats on! We walked through the amazing Dutch and European style streets and visited some local markets. The people here are filled with love and have a lot of energy and spirit.

We ended up at the VA Waterfront and spontaneously took a sunset cruise on a yatch with bottomless champaign - great New Years Eve combo! We each had four glasses - but who is counting... Then we headed to dinner.

I'd be lying if I said we made it to midnight. After our hectic travels, we actually decided after a sunset cruise and celebratory dinner, we skipped the fireworks, beat the traffic and headed back to our B&B Manor. We did see midnight from the comforts of our "home."

Our cab driver on the way home - unfamilar with traffic apparently - kept saying F&*# Sh*t over and over again and swearing at people with nice cars while simultaneously hollaring at the "beautiful mamas." He told Brett and I that he finds the "right one" ever two months... and then proceeded to scream profanities. Our favorite was "Mother NATURE!" instead of "Mother ..." - well you get the point.

We are happy to be here and out of Egypt - for Egypt (aside from Dahab) was insane. The combination of smog, honking horns, auditory and visual stimulation along with 5 time daily prayers was enough after 4-5 days. The driving is insane was well - the white lines painted on the road are pointless and there are NO traffic laws - NONE... It's UNREAL!

Tomorrow, after a tour of Robben Island (considered the Alcatraz of South Africa) - where Nelson Mandela was held for 30 years, we head to South Africa Wine Country. We are renting a car, scary - well won't say that because Brett is driving, but I will say that they drive on the "opposite side" of the street here, and while I am in the "drivers seat" in the Western World, I will actually be the passenger. Pretty much a metaphor for Brett and I's relationship. After 5 nights - we head to the airport to fly to Tanzania for our game drive! Can't wait!!!

Well, we're off for more adventures. We feel VERY blessed to have safe travels!! Miss all of you dearly!!!!!

XoXo - Brett & Gina

It's goodbye to Cairo and hello to Aswan!

After three crazy days in Cairo, and by crazy we mean INSANE, we are happy to be off to Aswan.

Cairo is insanity on wheels. There are horns constantly honking - constant and pedestrians crossing the street like "Frogger." Brett and I have truely experienced our first culture shock. This city is in shambles! The buildings are built out of brick and clay and cement and many do not have roofs. Smog checks don't exist here - that is for sure. However, amist the insanity described above, between the hagglers and the donkey carts alongside the road, lies a genuine nature, once you get past the haggling ofcourse.

Aside from the people, the pyramids were amazing! Breath taking and a sight to be had. We enjoyed our 2 hour camel ride in Giza. It was an amazing experience. My camels name was Alibaba and Brett's camel's name was Mickey - like Mickey Mouse. My camel was sassy and hated laying down for me to get off and occassionally grunted and spit and snorted. We also visited Dashur and climbed down about 100 steps into the bottom of the pyramid - once in there, we could barley breath and the limestone reaked of ammonia, I had a mini panic attack as I felt as though I could not breathe.

Yesterday we travelled by bus 6 hours southwest into the black sand and white sand desert and slept under the stars. We hired a guide and drove us through the desert sand dunes and set up our camp and cooked us lunch, dinner and breakfast. We watched the sunset against a salvador dali backdrop and woke just before sunrise and also made a friends with a fox named Jose that looked just like HURLEY!

Now after three crazy days, we're on to Aswan. We're staying on the Nile and will visit more temples and tombs. After Aswan we are taking a bus to Luxor and then onto Dahab to spend Christmas on the Red Sea.

PS: People think we are brother and sister and are from Spain or Canada.

Off to AFRICA! We'll be blogging from afar!

Today is finally here!

The anticipation leading up to today has been culminating since June of 2010, when Brett and I booked our R/T airfare to Cairo, Egypt! In some sense, we convinced ourselves that this flight was the "right" flight because it has a 9 hour layover in London. We are going to do some quick sightseeing in London and visit our friends who moved to London in 2007 immediately after they were married, Andrew and Katie. Andrew is Brett's "Buddy" (I put "Buddy in quotation marks because when Brett transfered from the NYC PwC office, Andrew was assigned to be his "buddy" in San Francisco) Needless to say, Brett and Andrew became close friends, and this will be our second time seeing A & K in London.

After our quick layover in London - it's off to Cairo we go. We land in Cairo at 5:15am, two days (with the time change) from now! We will orient ourselves to the city day 1 and day 2 were off to see the Giza pyramids!

Day 3 were are safaring out to the Whitesand Desert to see the blacksand desert, crystal mountains and overnighting under the stars in the middle of the desert - alone! We'll have a guide, don't fear.

Day 4 & 5 include a flight down to Aswan to visit the temples and a bus ride up to Luxor the next day for more temple time. Then it's a flight to Sharm-el-sheik where we will take another bus to Dahab, where we will enjoy a vacation from our vacation on the shores of the Red Sea. Here we will spend the next 7 days, lounging on the beach, skiing sand dunes other possible adventures. We will spend Christmas on the Red Sea! Christmas Eve/Christmas Day we are hiking St.Catherines http://www.desertecotours.com/showimg.asp?img=UploadImg/Pages/eilat_12.jpg

We will be spending New Years Eve in South Africa. We're spending a week in SA and will travel the Western portion of the country by car and southern coast line (visiting the southern most point in SA) along with the Winelands, Table Mountain and Robben Island. We also plan on louging on the beach and swimming with the penguins! I can't wait for that experience! After SA were off to Tanzania.

Our game drive is for a week through the Serengeti and Ngorongoro Crater. We'll have a private guide/tour and are staying in lodges scattered throughout the country and on the rim of the crater. We're also visiting a local tribe the Masia during our visit to Tanzania.

It's going to be a whirlwind of a trip. Brett and I will blog along the way, as many of our friends have asked :) Love you all!!!

Happy Holidays! Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

Thankfullingness

Especially today, we all talk about the things that we are thankful for, we all stuff ourselves full of turkey and stuffing. One thing we should remember today is to be thankful for ourselves.

Life can be incredible sometimes, and it can be incredibly trying at sometimes. Remembering to be thankful during the difficult times is espeically difficult compared to feeling thankful during the wonderful times.

I LOVE the Katy Perry song "Firework." She sums up being thankful for ourselves in daily life in her lyrics. If we aren't thankful for ourselves, then we won't be able to light up the sky for other people. We can go through trying times, but if we hold on to our true self and allow our pain to be felt, we can "ignite the light and let it shine." We can take our pain and loss and turn it into something productive. Pain is a horrible thing to feel, emotional and physical - neither being easier than the other. Pain, loss, depression has a horrible stimga in our culture. If we show our sadness, greif or pain we are deemed weak. Even our insecurities are looked upon as weaknessess. I'm purposing that if we feel our greif, loss and pain - face our insecurities - it brings out the "fireworks" in us. The deeper we go within ourselves, the brigher we can become.

"If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe your reason why all the doors are closed
So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road"

Today I am thankful for my car accident. I'm thankful that it brough out the depths of my emotions and insecurities and I am thankful that for the past 7 years I have had to live with the loss of my voice. I am thankful for the trache scar on my neck, for it saved my life that day, and I am thankful that my life was spared so I could feel the greif of recovery and all the joy life affords, through the good and the bad. I am thankful for all the ingredients of life, the sweet and the sour, the bitter, hot and cold. For we can't stuff oursleves silly and enjoy all that stuffing and turkey with only some of the ingredients... you need all of them to realize the perfect flavor - whatever that flavor may be.

Happy Thankfullingness!

Did you lose your voice?

After being asked that question 10 Million times over the past 7 years, I've come to appreciate my circumstance in a different light with in the realms of my new career, Nursing. I've also come to see my situation as a gift...

Since day one of my accident, I've always been asking my surgeon, when will I get my voice back... when in reality, I should be appreciating that I am alive and thriving.

I am currently researching for one of my classes a topic of interest, which is "Increased airway patentcy with exercise in post-traumatic laryngeal seperation," and I came accross this article http://www.utmb.edu/otoref/grnds/Laryng-Trauma-2003-0903/Laryng-trauma-2003-0902.htm. Essentially,after reading through this article, it made me realize how lucky I am to be alive from a medical standpoint and not a "this isn't fair that this happened to me" standpoint (not that I say that line very often).

I had a stage V (out of V, V being the worst possible injury) laryngeal seperation which usually, as this article states, results in immediate death. I shouldn't be here... is was I should be saying... and I should be happy to be alive - which I am. On top of not living, my quality of life should be poor. According to this article, I am Aphonic, without true vibration of the true vocal cords. This is the poorest outcome and is generally related to the stenting procedure I underwent immediatley after the trauma to save the diameter of my airway. The diameter of my airway was comprimised due to the blunt force trauma of the steering wheel/dashboard/or possible random curtain rod that was packed in my car.

It is true, it is amazing what the human body can endure. It is sad that I am aphonic. But I am alive, I can communicate and I can swim, bike and run! I'll be a Half Ironman come April 30th, and will be celebrating my Stage V repair mini-airway and aphonic "poor" quality voice with a smile on my heart. In losing my voice, I've gain the determination, insight and perspective on life that no surgery can interfere with.

We only LOSE things if we let people take them away from us. Everytime I run, I am choosing to celebrate my mini-airway and with determination I choose to see what I've gained through this process, not what I've lost. So to answere the question, "Did you lose your voice...?," ... you tell me, did you?

An Update on Life... Career and Travel

I'm back.

Okay, sorry for the hiatus. I've been insanely busy with school, the move and clinicals...life in general.

I'm finishing up my third semester and working on finding a position as a RN when I graduatein December 2011. My throat surgeon at UC Davis has asked me to come work with his team upon graduation, and after long and hard consideration, I have decided that this is something I would be interested in. It will be amazing working along side him and his team. I would work in the Ear, Nose and Throat (ENT) Clinic. It's amazing to think that this will make things come full circle. Life is so amazing in that way. He has even discussed the possibility UC Davis funding my DNP/PhD after I graduate from USF and research along side his team. It is especially difficult to find a position as a RN right now and I have a position available one year before graduation with the oppurtunity to continue my education. I would have never in a million years imagined this would be my life. It's especially heart warming that he would want me to be apart of his team, considing I am aphonic (without true vocal cord vibration). I had such a difficult time believing in my own worth because of my voice for such a longtime. Becoming a nurse has been so healing in this way. I am so grateful!

When I was working as a CPA at PricewaterhouseCoopers I would imagine doing my clinical rotation at Children's Hospital in Oakland (CHO). I just found out that next semester I will be doing my clinical rotation for Pediatrics at CHO! I am so excited for this rotation!

In other news, I am having surgery in Janurary to give me more airway and inject my vocal cords. I have a different feeling about this surgery! I think it will really give me a ton more airway and more of a voice. I have 40% diameter of my airway right now... hopefully this will give me 80-100% and more voice! I am hopeful, please pray for me.

I've signed up for a 1/2 Ironman. It's April 30, 2011. I will need to get training into FULL swing when Brett and I return from Africa... we leave in 34 days! Brett will be doing this distance as well!

With school as crazy as it is, I will welcome a 6 week break with open arms. Brett and I will be in Africa for one month. We are leaving and heading to London to visit some friends for a day on December 16th. Then we are heading down to Cairo and will land on the 18th - staying in Egypt for 10 days - we will visit the pyramids, tour the city itself, Coptic Cairo, Khan-al-kali and sleep one night in the WhiteSand Desert under the Stars. Next we are flying down to Aswan after three days in Cairo/Desert. We'll stay in Aswan for two nights (to see temples) then bus up to Luxor (stay in Luxor for the day to see more temples) and then fly to Sharm-el-sheikh and take a bus to Dahab. We will be on the beach on the Red Sea for X-Mas in Dahab. Dahab is suppose to be like Ko Samui, where we visited in Thailand. After 7 days in Dahab, we will catch our flight down to South Africa (8 hours) and stay for 7 days. There we will swim with the penguines on the beach (too cute!), visit Table Mountain and enjoy wine country. We will ring in the New Year in South Africa...Brett's most excited about South Africa, so as far as plans, that parts up to Brett. After our 7 days in South Africa we fly up to Tanzania for our game drive/safari for 8 days. We'll see the Serengeti, Mt. Kiliminjaro and Ngorongo Crater. We're staying in Lodges in the middle of the game drives. After our game drive/safari we fly back to Cairo for an evening and then have a 24 hour flight home! We won't think about that part yet... We'll be home January 16th, 2011 and sleep for two days straight from pure exhaustion!

I feel truely blessed to have be married to the love of my life, travel the world with him and persue a career that my heart desires. What more could a girl ask for? (Maybe her voice back....??)...oh and babies ;)

The Book ... The Training... and the Move... oh my!

...Not in that order. Brett and I are back in Walnut Creek in our home and loving it. End of story. Well, not quite - the backyard has yet to be finished and we are still working on creating the perfect office... but with that said, we are grateful to be back without anyone pouncing above our head, girls partying above us or boyfriend/girlfriend arguments where the night ends with a phone call to the police ... you know how that goes. My brain still jumps at the echo or noise by the rule of Pavlov's dog/drooling/bell premise - but I'm adjusting. Oh yeah... and there are no plans to fill the third bedroom with a guest room...

Training. Today officially started my training for Vineman Ironman 70.3 in Sonoma on July 17, 2011. I printed out a 20 week training program and although I may lose some momentume due to our 4 week stint in Africa - this will be the first time I have printed out a training regime and vowed to stick it out. Usually, I only train, if at all for one event and ride on a wing and prayer that I will finish. Out of fear or laziness, maybe both - but now I am not afraid and sick of being lazy and I want to see what my airway and body can do. I head up to see my surgeon on October 28th and I am excited to see what kind of airway capacity I am working with - has it stayed the same and I have just gotten stronger (I recently shed 15 minutes 7 seconds off my half marathon time) or has my airway expanded due to the increased volume and workload...we shall see! Regardless, watching Brett train for his Ironman, I can't help but admire and LOVE the lifestyle training affords.

The book. I am working on Chapter two, but as I brainstorm where I want this book to go, I may decide on negating the chapter idea and sectioning it off into sections (do you like that?). Maybe childhood (yikes), high school/college - working in some of my motivational speaking components, my career(s) and my training. We'll see. Any ideas...

I'm again speaking as a Keynote speaker at Oakley High on October 26 and 27! I love giving back to our community in that way. If I can change one individuals life - it's all worth it in the end.

An excerpt from chapter 1 of my book ... Enjoy!!!

As I parked my car, my eyes and heart scanned the dusty parking lot for his car, to no avail. I seized this opportunity and fed my vanity. With a quick peek into my rearview mirror, a pinch of the cheeks and a dab of lip gloss, I hopped eagerly out of the car a headed inside. As I made my way amongst the loud clatter of video game machines, 60’s B-Bop music and maze of people, I felt a sense of maturity. Within the deep sea of tracker trailers, truckers and vacationing families coming up for air along the onerous and dreary stretch of I-5, here we were. Spawned from our yesteryears into young adults we were able to premeditate and execute a causal yet random encounter, keeping true to our ritual of periodic visits, regardless of location. Making my way through the TA Visitor center, the crowds gently parted making enough room for the memories that came flooding through as I spotted him peacefully sitting at a nearby table.

The combination of my recent trip down memory lane in the realm of my own existence driving from West Covina to here, alongside the sight of an old flame and dear friend made my heart fluttered. I immediately hedged the antics of the typical ex-girlfriend, star-crossed lover type and put on my laid back, too cool for school cool ex-girlfriend hat on and gave Brett the one-two confident kiss on the check with a slight jump hug. After our respective hellos, we ordered our food. My order included three beef tacos and a coke, but more importantly, I finished them. I wanted to ensure and impress upon the fact that I wasn’t one of those fit and skinny girls who fussed and rearranged their food to make it look half eaten. I took those tacos down and over our meal, I confirmed my exuberant and vivacious zest for life by divulging the details of my upcoming excursion abroad, how I would be going to Spain for 6 weeks to take business classes where only Spanish was spoken to elicit credits for my double major in Broadcast Journalism and Business with minor in Spanish. Going down the mental checklist, I’d checked the three of the four cool ex-girlfriend boxes. I was fun, I had an appetite for life and smart but I’d save the best for last. Next I’d confer upon him the details of my most recent, quasi long-term, yet relaxed relationship with Nick. Not only was I fun, vivacious and smart, but I was wanted, and apart from the fact that Brett did not get a word in edge wise, at least he was up to speed with the facts.

In reality, I may have held, or had the potential to inhabit the four quintessential “cool ex-girlfriend boxes” or qualities but one thing was not true. When I left Nick in Arizona, we had left things between us “open” because that was the only thing Nick could give me. Sure our relationship was “relaxed,” but that was Nick’s nature, commitment phobic, lacking any true capacity to show love or commit. However, Nick’s ability to put just enough effort in to perpetuate a mirage of a “relationship” was an art form, and had me clinging to any affirmation of affiliation. The affiliation of Nick and I was the illumination and echo of my self-doubt, induced by my personal insecurities and foolishness.

Danielle Steel and My Book ... and Danielle Steel!!!

As many of you may or may not know, Brett and I live within the realms of Pacific Heights, and while I cherish the boastful scenery of Lafayette Park, since Brett and I have moved here, I have admired that lofty and beatiful home that is accross the park from us, the home of Danielle Steel.

August 13th, 2010 marked the beginning of my journey to write a memoir about my car accident that happened in May of 2003. While there were three things I knew that I wanted to do while lying in the hospital bed during my hospital stay after my car accident, I never knew that within me existed the capacity to follow through with my desires.

Those three desires, premonitions actually based on the happenings of my life pre-accident, were to become a nurse, write a book/memior regarding my accident and the third really coincides with the first two, and that is to help others. In essense, I was awaiting personal transformation. Now, I want to instill in others what I have learned, without others having to go through what I have endured. The hard part, really, will be figuring out HOW to do that, but I hope that through my daily actions, being a wife, a mother someday, a nurse, a friend and through my book that I will inspire individuals to live out their desires, because I know if I encompass the attributes of sucess, anyone can!

Support systems are essential and there have been important people along the way, especially recently that have really amplified the tiping point to this incredible journey. My Husband and best friend, my bestfriends from high school who have known me before and after this tragedy and supported through and through, my Mother-In-Law - really my Husbands entire family, Dorette Franks (who just completed the most extreme endurance event - an Ultraman) and most recently Danielle Steel.

Since the recent mind talk I have had with myself with respect to starting this journey, most serendipitiously have turned out to be the conversations and premonitions (I whole heartidly believe in the mantra of "The Secret")I have had about meeting and/or emailing (I know two completely different things) Danielle Steel. A few weeks back, before I had decided to take this plunge and commit to following through with the long journey of writing my story (especially during my Nursing Master's Program, which is time consuming in and of itself) I emailed Danielle Steel. I know crazy, right? But I thought to myself that I might as well take a chance and email her and see if I can ask for her advice with respect to writing a book. I was not expecting a response, nothing against Danielle Steel, but I assume she receives 1,000's of emails and letters from fans a day asking her questions just like mine. After all, it is Danielle Steel! And if you know me, it is not really like me to do something like this. But I had a gut feeling that I needed this more for myself, than for anything, so I did it. And guess what... she wrote me back!!!

As Brett and I are in beautiful Bend, Oregon on a mini vacation, we returned home from a beatiful day from Elk Lake. I quickly checked my email and found an email address that I did not recognize. I opened it up, and when I read the initial paragraph, I couldn't understand where this woman/ or person had received my email, and I had assumed that it was a reader of my blog, until I read the next paragraph!

It was Danielle Steel!!!!! Not only is her advice is incredible as she pointed to key aspects I never had thought about myself, such as character building down to when my manuscript is ready to send out what to do... to think... Gina is going to have a manuscript! My goal is to be a Julia Julia of sorts and have my story/memior/manuscript turned into a movie! Danielle Steel can be the Julia Child and I can be the ... the Gina Cummings! I know this is bigger than myself, it makes me feel like I am in the right place... and I like it!

Thank you Danielle!!!

Contradictory or complimentary

August marks a year for the blog: The Serendipitious Quest. In pondering my own existence and the relatively new existence of the Facebook's, myspace and blogs, I begun to question not only the purpose/reason for this blog but also the meaning and need for The Serendipitious Quest. What does The Serendipitous Quest stand for...who does it reach?

When you break down The Serendipitous Quest it's actually an oxymoron. Go figure - sums up my life. Back on point... when breaking it down, the definition of Serendipity is "to come across unexpectedly based upon wisdom or sanity" and Quest means "to seek out and discover." How then could these two words manifest themselves within the same sentence and be logical? For what basis does this blog exist?

Many others have pondered the meaning and use of the word Serendipity. In the confines of my own existence, and I am sure others will agree, a quest so to speak is self-explanatory, but serendipity - serendipitiy's use in the english dictionary according to Oxford has only recently exploded, much thanks to the internet.

So what does serendipity really mean and what makes my blog - or ME for that matter different? What makes my story and my perceptions a platform worth exploring? And by asking this question - does it kill the essense of this blogs existence?

For now, I will leave the calling into question the use for and of the word serendipity for therorists and philosophers to chase their tails and muddle around with other fancy words that they use to define their knowledge/existence. Yes, to be in quest of something that you are suppose to accidently run into is an oxymoron. But what happens when something or someone accidently RUNS INTO YOU!? What happens if you are fired from your job or someone elses action(s) changes the course of your life. Or what happens if you are born with a disability?

The Serendipitious Quest ceases to be in oxymoron when your disability is used to make you 'able. That is, the serendiptious nature of your "disability" ignites a fire within you that sparks a quest to get you from "point A" to "point B." We all encompass a serendipitous nature by default of being human. It is the way in which we choose to see ourselves in light of a situation, to realize that one path no longer exists but upon our proper scrutiny, or quest, the full potential, realization and actualization of other paths and our existence can refine our overall well-being. It's the "Silver Lining" of a situation that takes us to grace and opens our hearts and minds to the exploration of our self and it's there that we discover our Serendipity and Quest.

The Miracle of Mindfulness

I just got back from a run. 7.5 miles, my first run since the olympic distance triatholon at Treasure Island (1.5 km swim, 40km mile bike, 10 km run. I can see the T-Shirt I'm wearing in the reflection of the computer screen, it's the one I got for finishing the treasure island tri.

Today I feel good. I feel empowered, love and hope. I feel like anything is possible. I feel like my dreams keep coming true.

I've been told that there is a chance that the magazine "Runners World" wants to interview me. I feel excited. I feel like I should be studying. I feel lucky, blessed and priveledged to be able to do what I love - Nursing. My life is exactly how I imagined it to be given my circumstances. I've added the story of my car accident and some photos to my blog per a recommendation from a friend. Crazy to think that was me. I feel healed.

Today was the first time since my accident that I felt strong running. That's 7 years and 3 months of feeling suffocated when I work out. Like the amount of air I get in, I can't get out. I felt free, and for the first time, I got tired before I got out of breath. It must be all the training. Training may be the answers to my all my prayers. I feel liberated from the suffering I've endured. I feel new. I feel like me again. I feel mindful.

There are two ways to run... the first is in order to finish the run. The second is to run the distance in order to run the distance. If while running the distance we think only of getting the run finished, thus hurrying to get the run out of the way as if it was a nuisance, then we are not alive at the time of the run. In fact, we are completely incapable of realizing the miracle of life within ourselves while running. If we run and focus on our breath, our legs and the components of our body while we run, emmersed in the present moment, it is here that we realize the miracle of life and the miracle of mindfulness. It is through the miracle of mindfulness that we have access to the present moment, where we can be free from the pain of the past (physical and mental) and focus on the joy the present moment offers.

Life Is Not Always What It Seems... and It's Not Because You're Blind - It's Your Mind!

You see that hat...? That was the hat my parents bought me to wear the day I was discharged from the Hospital in June of 2003, three weeks after my airway was crushed in a traumatic car accident... never did I imagine that I'd be wearing it, smiling in a picture just taken after crossing the finish line of an Olympic Distance Triathlon...

In completing my second Triathlon, first Olympic Distance Triathlon, my perspective on life has completely changed. Usually, due to my life circumstance, I would say that it takes something traumatic to change your perspective on life, but participating in The Triathlon at Treasure Island has shown me that something doesn't need to be traumatic to change you - you change you through your thoughts and actions, that it's not what happens to you, but how you REACT to what happens to you.

Two years ago as I watched my Husband Brett train and participate in his Triathlons, I always thought to myself that I could NEVER do a Triathlon because I could never manage to breath during the swim or bike, that I could only breath while I run, as that was hard enough with given the capacity of my airway(35% of normal). I told myself a million and one excuses not only as to why I couldn't participate in a Triathlon but also as to why I can't run. Besides my excuses, I was just deathly afraid, literally DEATHLY, of pushing my body that hard... maybe my airway would collapse, or I would just get too tired... the excuses my little brain made were endless. I was reacting to my fears and letting them drive the decisions I was making.

Come to find out that through my experiences that it's not the swimming and biking that makes my breathing difficult, it's just running!!! Ironically enough, the one sport I thought I could manage (running) caused me the most difficulty!

Participating in an Olympic Distance Triathlon is undeniably liberating and I am now challenging myself not to hold back and to not be afraid of running out of energy or getting too tired, or not being able to breathe. I am going to take my training to the next level - and I'm excited! I am going to make training a priority(not just a workout, I am actually going to put myself on a training schedule, possibly get a coach) and see how far I can push myself. I finished the .93 Mile Swim, 24.8 Mile Bike and 6.2 mile run in 3:27:18. I came in 17th in my age group (out of 26). I'd like to challenge myself to come in around 2:45:00 in my next Triathlon (Pacific Grove, September 11) and come in in the top 35%, 1% for each amoung of airway I have.

I challenge you to get outside of your mind (and outside your comfort zone)... to challenge yourself in something you thought was physically impossible, something you told yourself you couldn't achieve... because if I can do it with 35% of my airway, you can do it with 100% of yours!