Especially today, we all talk about the things that we are thankful for, we all stuff ourselves full of turkey and stuffing. One thing we should remember today is to be thankful for ourselves.
Life can be incredible sometimes, and it can be incredibly trying at sometimes. Remembering to be thankful during the difficult times is espeically difficult compared to feeling thankful during the wonderful times.
I LOVE the Katy Perry song "Firework." She sums up being thankful for ourselves in daily life in her lyrics. If we aren't thankful for ourselves, then we won't be able to light up the sky for other people. We can go through trying times, but if we hold on to our true self and allow our pain to be felt, we can "ignite the light and let it shine." We can take our pain and loss and turn it into something productive. Pain is a horrible thing to feel, emotional and physical - neither being easier than the other. Pain, loss, depression has a horrible stimga in our culture. If we show our sadness, greif or pain we are deemed weak. Even our insecurities are looked upon as weaknessess. I'm purposing that if we feel our greif, loss and pain - face our insecurities - it brings out the "fireworks" in us. The deeper we go within ourselves, the brigher we can become.
"If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow
Maybe your reason why all the doors are closed
So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road"
Today I am thankful for my car accident. I'm thankful that it brough out the depths of my emotions and insecurities and I am thankful that for the past 7 years I have had to live with the loss of my voice. I am thankful for the trache scar on my neck, for it saved my life that day, and I am thankful that my life was spared so I could feel the greif of recovery and all the joy life affords, through the good and the bad. I am thankful for all the ingredients of life, the sweet and the sour, the bitter, hot and cold. For we can't stuff oursleves silly and enjoy all that stuffing and turkey with only some of the ingredients... you need all of them to realize the perfect flavor - whatever that flavor may be.
Happy Thankfullingness!
November 25, 2010
November 18, 2010
Did you lose your voice?
After being asked that question 10 Million times over the past 7 years, I've come to appreciate my circumstance in a different light with in the realms of my new career, Nursing. I've also come to see my situation as a gift...
Since day one of my accident, I've always been asking my surgeon, when will I get my voice back... when in reality, I should be appreciating that I am alive and thriving.
I am currently researching for one of my classes a topic of interest, which is "Increased airway patentcy with exercise in post-traumatic laryngeal seperation," and I came accross this article http://www.utmb.edu/otoref/grnds/Laryng-Trauma-2003-0903/Laryng-trauma-2003-0902.htm. Essentially,after reading through this article, it made me realize how lucky I am to be alive from a medical standpoint and not a "this isn't fair that this happened to me" standpoint (not that I say that line very often).
I had a stage V (out of V, V being the worst possible injury) laryngeal seperation which usually, as this article states, results in immediate death. I shouldn't be here... is was I should be saying... and I should be happy to be alive - which I am. On top of not living, my quality of life should be poor. According to this article, I am Aphonic, without true vibration of the true vocal cords. This is the poorest outcome and is generally related to the stenting procedure I underwent immediatley after the trauma to save the diameter of my airway. The diameter of my airway was comprimised due to the blunt force trauma of the steering wheel/dashboard/or possible random curtain rod that was packed in my car.
It is true, it is amazing what the human body can endure. It is sad that I am aphonic. But I am alive, I can communicate and I can swim, bike and run! I'll be a Half Ironman come April 30th, and will be celebrating my Stage V repair mini-airway and aphonic "poor" quality voice with a smile on my heart. In losing my voice, I've gain the determination, insight and perspective on life that no surgery can interfere with.
We only LOSE things if we let people take them away from us. Everytime I run, I am choosing to celebrate my mini-airway and with determination I choose to see what I've gained through this process, not what I've lost. So to answere the question, "Did you lose your voice...?," ... you tell me, did you?
Since day one of my accident, I've always been asking my surgeon, when will I get my voice back... when in reality, I should be appreciating that I am alive and thriving.
I am currently researching for one of my classes a topic of interest, which is "Increased airway patentcy with exercise in post-traumatic laryngeal seperation," and I came accross this article http://www.utmb.edu/otoref/grnds/Laryng-Trauma-2003-0903/Laryng-trauma-2003-0902.htm. Essentially,after reading through this article, it made me realize how lucky I am to be alive from a medical standpoint and not a "this isn't fair that this happened to me" standpoint (not that I say that line very often).
I had a stage V (out of V, V being the worst possible injury) laryngeal seperation which usually, as this article states, results in immediate death. I shouldn't be here... is was I should be saying... and I should be happy to be alive - which I am. On top of not living, my quality of life should be poor. According to this article, I am Aphonic, without true vibration of the true vocal cords. This is the poorest outcome and is generally related to the stenting procedure I underwent immediatley after the trauma to save the diameter of my airway. The diameter of my airway was comprimised due to the blunt force trauma of the steering wheel/dashboard/or possible random curtain rod that was packed in my car.
It is true, it is amazing what the human body can endure. It is sad that I am aphonic. But I am alive, I can communicate and I can swim, bike and run! I'll be a Half Ironman come April 30th, and will be celebrating my Stage V repair mini-airway and aphonic "poor" quality voice with a smile on my heart. In losing my voice, I've gain the determination, insight and perspective on life that no surgery can interfere with.
We only LOSE things if we let people take them away from us. Everytime I run, I am choosing to celebrate my mini-airway and with determination I choose to see what I've gained through this process, not what I've lost. So to answere the question, "Did you lose your voice...?," ... you tell me, did you?
November 12, 2010
An Update on Life... Career and Travel
I'm back.
Okay, sorry for the hiatus. I've been insanely busy with school, the move and clinicals...life in general.
I'm finishing up my third semester and working on finding a position as a RN when I graduatein December 2011. My throat surgeon at UC Davis has asked me to come work with his team upon graduation, and after long and hard consideration, I have decided that this is something I would be interested in. It will be amazing working along side him and his team. I would work in the Ear, Nose and Throat (ENT) Clinic. It's amazing to think that this will make things come full circle. Life is so amazing in that way. He has even discussed the possibility UC Davis funding my DNP/PhD after I graduate from USF and research along side his team. It is especially difficult to find a position as a RN right now and I have a position available one year before graduation with the oppurtunity to continue my education. I would have never in a million years imagined this would be my life. It's especially heart warming that he would want me to be apart of his team, considing I am aphonic (without true vocal cord vibration). I had such a difficult time believing in my own worth because of my voice for such a longtime. Becoming a nurse has been so healing in this way. I am so grateful!
When I was working as a CPA at PricewaterhouseCoopers I would imagine doing my clinical rotation at Children's Hospital in Oakland (CHO). I just found out that next semester I will be doing my clinical rotation for Pediatrics at CHO! I am so excited for this rotation!
In other news, I am having surgery in Janurary to give me more airway and inject my vocal cords. I have a different feeling about this surgery! I think it will really give me a ton more airway and more of a voice. I have 40% diameter of my airway right now... hopefully this will give me 80-100% and more voice! I am hopeful, please pray for me.
I've signed up for a 1/2 Ironman. It's April 30, 2011. I will need to get training into FULL swing when Brett and I return from Africa... we leave in 34 days! Brett will be doing this distance as well!
With school as crazy as it is, I will welcome a 6 week break with open arms. Brett and I will be in Africa for one month. We are leaving and heading to London to visit some friends for a day on December 16th. Then we are heading down to Cairo and will land on the 18th - staying in Egypt for 10 days - we will visit the pyramids, tour the city itself, Coptic Cairo, Khan-al-kali and sleep one night in the WhiteSand Desert under the Stars. Next we are flying down to Aswan after three days in Cairo/Desert. We'll stay in Aswan for two nights (to see temples) then bus up to Luxor (stay in Luxor for the day to see more temples) and then fly to Sharm-el-sheikh and take a bus to Dahab. We will be on the beach on the Red Sea for X-Mas in Dahab. Dahab is suppose to be like Ko Samui, where we visited in Thailand. After 7 days in Dahab, we will catch our flight down to South Africa (8 hours) and stay for 7 days. There we will swim with the penguines on the beach (too cute!), visit Table Mountain and enjoy wine country. We will ring in the New Year in South Africa...Brett's most excited about South Africa, so as far as plans, that parts up to Brett. After our 7 days in South Africa we fly up to Tanzania for our game drive/safari for 8 days. We'll see the Serengeti, Mt. Kiliminjaro and Ngorongo Crater. We're staying in Lodges in the middle of the game drives. After our game drive/safari we fly back to Cairo for an evening and then have a 24 hour flight home! We won't think about that part yet... We'll be home January 16th, 2011 and sleep for two days straight from pure exhaustion!
I feel truely blessed to have be married to the love of my life, travel the world with him and persue a career that my heart desires. What more could a girl ask for? (Maybe her voice back....??)...oh and babies ;)
Okay, sorry for the hiatus. I've been insanely busy with school, the move and clinicals...life in general.
I'm finishing up my third semester and working on finding a position as a RN when I graduatein December 2011. My throat surgeon at UC Davis has asked me to come work with his team upon graduation, and after long and hard consideration, I have decided that this is something I would be interested in. It will be amazing working along side him and his team. I would work in the Ear, Nose and Throat (ENT) Clinic. It's amazing to think that this will make things come full circle. Life is so amazing in that way. He has even discussed the possibility UC Davis funding my DNP/PhD after I graduate from USF and research along side his team. It is especially difficult to find a position as a RN right now and I have a position available one year before graduation with the oppurtunity to continue my education. I would have never in a million years imagined this would be my life. It's especially heart warming that he would want me to be apart of his team, considing I am aphonic (without true vocal cord vibration). I had such a difficult time believing in my own worth because of my voice for such a longtime. Becoming a nurse has been so healing in this way. I am so grateful!
When I was working as a CPA at PricewaterhouseCoopers I would imagine doing my clinical rotation at Children's Hospital in Oakland (CHO). I just found out that next semester I will be doing my clinical rotation for Pediatrics at CHO! I am so excited for this rotation!
In other news, I am having surgery in Janurary to give me more airway and inject my vocal cords. I have a different feeling about this surgery! I think it will really give me a ton more airway and more of a voice. I have 40% diameter of my airway right now... hopefully this will give me 80-100% and more voice! I am hopeful, please pray for me.
I've signed up for a 1/2 Ironman. It's April 30, 2011. I will need to get training into FULL swing when Brett and I return from Africa... we leave in 34 days! Brett will be doing this distance as well!
With school as crazy as it is, I will welcome a 6 week break with open arms. Brett and I will be in Africa for one month. We are leaving and heading to London to visit some friends for a day on December 16th. Then we are heading down to Cairo and will land on the 18th - staying in Egypt for 10 days - we will visit the pyramids, tour the city itself, Coptic Cairo, Khan-al-kali and sleep one night in the WhiteSand Desert under the Stars. Next we are flying down to Aswan after three days in Cairo/Desert. We'll stay in Aswan for two nights (to see temples) then bus up to Luxor (stay in Luxor for the day to see more temples) and then fly to Sharm-el-sheikh and take a bus to Dahab. We will be on the beach on the Red Sea for X-Mas in Dahab. Dahab is suppose to be like Ko Samui, where we visited in Thailand. After 7 days in Dahab, we will catch our flight down to South Africa (8 hours) and stay for 7 days. There we will swim with the penguines on the beach (too cute!), visit Table Mountain and enjoy wine country. We will ring in the New Year in South Africa...Brett's most excited about South Africa, so as far as plans, that parts up to Brett. After our 7 days in South Africa we fly up to Tanzania for our game drive/safari for 8 days. We'll see the Serengeti, Mt. Kiliminjaro and Ngorongo Crater. We're staying in Lodges in the middle of the game drives. After our game drive/safari we fly back to Cairo for an evening and then have a 24 hour flight home! We won't think about that part yet... We'll be home January 16th, 2011 and sleep for two days straight from pure exhaustion!
I feel truely blessed to have be married to the love of my life, travel the world with him and persue a career that my heart desires. What more could a girl ask for? (Maybe her voice back....??)...oh and babies ;)
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